Happy Birthday, Baby Brother

Posted in Aging, All Posts, Family, Life, Writing by momfog

My baby brother turns 30 today. For his birthday, I’m giving him a blog post. I’m sure he’d be thrilled if he actually read my blog, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t. Well, I know he did once because he left a comment (on Facebook, not here *eye roll*), telling me about a typo, but that was way back in May. (The Test, if you’re interested.) To be fair, I never talk about my brother. Well, except that one time, when I wrote this:

I even miss my brother, the spoiled brat who never had to do any housework, who is too smart for his own good, and who, without fail, has a smart-alec remark for everything. (My Old Kentucky Home)

Is it any wonder he doesn’t read my blog? Anyway, like any good big sister would do, I’m taking the opportunity to ~~throw him under the bus again~~ tell you the great things about my brother.

First, he’s wicked smart. Seriously smart. And, yes, he knows it. I mean, come on, he uses the word MENSA in his email address. Which is a nice segue into the next fact.

He’s ~~kind of~~ a snot. But it’s not his fault because he was also spoiled as a child. His only job was to cut the grass and we had a riding lawnmower. Like I said before, he has a snarky comment for everything and, I must admit, it is usually hilarious. He reminds me of Seth Meyers, whom I happen to adore.

He’s a raging liberal. I honestly don’t know how this happened. Like I said, he’s smart, so where’s the disconnect? I had hope for him until I saw the Michelle Obama magnet on his refrigerator. What is that? I will say that he knows how to argue politics and keep his sense of humor. He’s not offended when I call him Comrade. Not. One. Little. Bit. That is awesome.

He can eat whatever he wants and not gain weight. Genetics are cruel, people. I can think about a Snicker’s bar and BAM! an extra roll of fat appears around my midsection. This man can eat and eat and eat and not even a blip on the scale. Why didn’t I get his metabolism? Why? Why? Why?

So It’s the Laughter We Will Remember

Now would be a good time to share my favorite memories of my brother.

We were on vacation with our parents a few years ago. We were staying in a lovely cabin with an extremely clean sliding glass door leading out to the patio. The couch, where I was sitting, happened to be in front of this crystal clear glass door. My brother, beer in hand, was on the porch, grilling, I believe. (He’s an excellent cook, by the way.) My brother decided to come inside. He turned and walked directly into that sparkling clear window. SMACK! Forehead hit the door and beer ran down it in sheets. And I had the best seat in the house. I giggle every time I think of it. I’m giggling now. It was GREAT.

Now, maybe that’s mean. But, hello? He EATS whatever he wants and DOES NOT gain weight. He’s SMARTER THAN ME. He DIDN’T have to DO DISHES. MICHELLE OBAMA REFRIGERATOR MAGNET!!!!

My brother and I are as different as night and day but we “get” each other.

When my house burned down, he called me. That was such an important call. He let me make the inappropriate jokes I needed to make to cope and he laughed at them. I knew he would. I knew he was the only one, other than my husband, who would understand these horrible attempts at humor.

1. I was going to do a major clean on the house this weekend. Glad I didn’t decide to do that last weekend.

2. At least it happened before I did the big grocery shopping. We literally had no food in the house. We’re going to need that grocery money now and I hate wasted food.

3. The headline on the news is “House Fire Leaves Family of Seven Homeless.” Wow. I’m homeless. Isn’t that hilarious?

4. Well, we were thinking of moving anyway. At least now I don’t have to pack. I hate packing.

5. Heck no, I didn’t give an interview to that news reporter. Me, standing outside my burning trailer, hair a mess, no insurance, and 5 kids running around me? Might as well paint “white trash” on my forehead. Though it would have been awesome to use the thickest southern accent possible to say grammatically incorrect sentences and ask if anyone seen my dawg runnin’ around anywheres.

Not my best stuff, but it’s all I could come up with, considering the situation. Point is, my brother laughed. I love him for that.

I love that he’s a wonderful husband and father. I love that he’s a smart butt. I love that he asked for a cake for Christmas when he was four. I love that he gets super excited about food and can eat approximately 50 tacos in one sitting. I love that he bakes and makes homemade buttercream icing. I love that he loved The Honeymooners and Dobie Gillis when he was in elementary school. I love that my grandma had to drag him out of bed by his feet to wake him up for school. I love that an 8 oz. coffee gives him the jitters and makes sleep impossible. I even love that he snored like a foghorn and kept me awake when my parents forced us to share a bed in a pop-up camper for “fun” family vacations.

I just love him. Period.

Happy Birthday, Baby Brother

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Now let’s see if he does read my blog. If you read this, little brother, leave a comment. In the comment section. Not on Facebook, not in an e-mail. Here. We’ll be waiting.

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22Sep2011

Blog Awards. Thank You!

Posted in All Posts, Blogging by momfog

I didn’t have a lot of trophies when I was young. I had ONE really impressive one. Our cheerleading squad won 3rd place for the ENTIRE STATE. I was 11 and the team was the Overdale Chiefs. I still had the little outfit until it went up in flames. I kid you not, it had a little sailor’s flap neckline. Very old-fashioned. Here’s a picture. Unfortunately, the only one I could find was on a dog. Picture this, but red, on little girls with super curly pigtails. So cute.

Those days are long gone, but I did win a couple of blogging awards recently.

The first one I want to accept came from Lafemmeroar. She passed it on to me…3 months ago. (See here.) I feel so bad that I haven’t acknowledged it yet, but she being the cool crazy chick that she is, will understand and take no offense. The other award I won is the Versatile Blogger Award. I was given this award by Rebekah Loper, Writer.

As with all awards, there are certain things one must do when honored. Both of these award have the same requirements. As they are pretty demanding, I’m only doing the process once. So the bloggers I choose get double awards! Yay!

1. Thank and link to the person acknowledging you.

Thank you so much, Lafemmeroar and Rebekah!

2. Share 7 random facts about yourself.

1. I am jealous of the Little Caesar’s employee whose job it is to stand on a busy street corner, hold a $5 pizza sign, and dance like a maniac. I would kill for courage like that. And his dancing skills.

2. I don’t eat anything gelatinous. No Jello and no mousse of any kind. Especially salmon mousse. *shudder* Disgusting.

3. I never remember my dreams (except when I’m pregnant.)

4. I love mopping. My dream home would have a mop sink in the floor and one of those mop buckets they use in restaurants.

5. I am afraid of mirrors at night. I know that I’m going to look in one and there will be something scary staring back at me. And I don’t mean me with bed head and puffy eyes.

6. I don’t let the food on my plate touch. If there is something runny or juicy, it gets its own plate.

7. I like to use big words like “prestidigitation” and “ostentatious” because I think it makes me sound smart. Of course this might work better if I actually used them correctly.

3. Pass the award on to 15 deserving bloggers.

Personally, I think 15 is a little ridiculous, but this is the rule and I follow rules. Not that it’s hard to come up with 15 great bloggers, but it’s a little time consuming to link to all these great folks. Anyway, here it goes:

1. MaximsMadness This is one weird dude. I love weird. It’s fantastic.

2. Brown Road Chronicles A funny guy who occasionally writes something serious, just to keep you on your toes.

3. This Little Thing Called Life This Brit likes to poke fun at people and call them funny little names like “Arsonist.” He’s also goes on a lot of really bad dates.

4. 224 This inspiring man is on a journey to a healthier lifestyle and He Can Do It! He is doing it. He’s awesome.

5. Dribbling Pensioner British. Old. Forgetful. Troublemaker. Questionable punctuation. Charming.

6. Zishaanshafi A little politics, a little philosophy, a little of everything. He also included me on his “List of Sucky Bloggers.” An honor, truly.

7. Invisible Mikey Movies, Music, Art of all kinds. I never leave Mikey’s blog disappointed and rarely without an epiphany. He’s not the Awards type, but he deserves a ton of them.

8. The Problem With Young People Today Is… @ http://crabbyoldfart.wordpress.com/ I had to post his link just because it describes him perfectly. He’s not the Awards type either, but oh my. He is fantastically crotchety! And brilliant.

9. She’s A Maineiac A great writer who’s willing to show us her 6 AM self while making fun of her accent. I’ll have to drive up to Maine so she can tell me to “pahk the cah in the yahd”.

10. Rebekah Loper, Writer She inspires me. She’s also incredibly sweet. Love her.

11. JM Randolph, Accidental Stepmom Step-mother to four children, stagehand, writer, hilarious. She’s a bit of a crier. :-)

12. La Plume Noire Very talented photographer and writer.

13. Love Versus Goliath An amazing woman with an even more amazing story. She fought for the partner visa that would reunite her with her husband and children and won! It’s a joy to see her adjust to a large household filled with lots of love and rice. ;-)

14. Mixin’ It Up: Goulash Style A Southern mama to 4, a great lady, and she happens to be allergic to penicillin. Her recipe for Southern “Gonlash” sounds fantastic. Which reminds me, I need to try that when the weather cools off a bit.

15. Nylon Daze A Londoner living in NYC. Photographer, writer, political commentator, and a genuinely nice person. She insists we could make my blog/life into an award-winning screenplay. She even picked out a producer. (Ahem, Raincoaster, you were the lucky winner. Call me. We’ll do lunch–via twitter, of course.)

16. Bonus blogger: Paroxysm of Outrageous Random News (P.O.R.N.) Emily illustrates her hi-larious posts with cute pictures she draws using Paint. It’s impressive.

4. Contact the winners.

That might have to wait until tomorrow. My hands hurt.

So, there you have it. I hope you check out some of the blogs above. Believe me, you won’t be sorry.