Mom Guilt

We can’t catch a break.  Molly is sick.  AGAIN.  Strep this time.  The other four are coughing, have stomach aches, and the general yuckies.  This time, even the husband got sick and I’m still coughing (though I wouldn’t be if I could remember to take that darn allergy medicine.)

I had to call into work again, for two days.  Depending on what the doctor says about the other four kids tomorrow, I may have to call in for more.  I feel terrible about it.

I’ve missed A LOT of work this year.  Every time I call in, my stomach does these little flip-flops.  I just know they think I’m lying.  After all, whose kids get sick every other week?

Mine, obviously.  With five of them in the house, it wouldn’t surprise me if it’s all the same illness from October, just slowly making the rounds.  Once it grounds one, it moves on to the next, and so on and so forth.  We are the revolving door of bacteria.

revolving door

It’s times like these when I miss staying home with my kids the most.  When I was home, if a kid was sick it wasn’t a big deal.  They stayed in bed, I took them to the doctor, to the McDonald’s (the compensation for the poking and prodding at the doctor’s office) and back home again.  Zero guilt.  Now, I have to make the dreaded phone call to work.  It’s stressful.  As if it’s not stressful enough having a sick kid.

Then I think about those mothers who have more important jobs than me.  Not that feeding children in a school cafeteria isn’t important, but let’s face it.  Anybody can do my job and there is a list of substitutes who’d love the work.  What about those people who are the only ones who can do their jobs?  The ones who, if they miss a day, cause other people to not be able to do their jobs?

I’m guessing a lot of sick children are given some ibuprofen and sent on their (un)merry way to infect other children (like mine.)  I’m not blaming them.  I’ve done it myself, on occasion.  But I don’t like it.

In fact, I hate it.

sick toddler pulling on her earsWhen my kids are crying because they have a headache, or their ears hurt, and they have a temperature, I can’t  stand the idea of making them go to school because I “can’t” miss work.  It’s not fair to them or me.  They’re my kids.  I want to take care of them.  They deserve to be taken care of.

Childhood lasts but an instant and the days when I can tend to their every need are numbered.  They are precious.

I don’t know what the solution is.  What I do know, is that every mom has to make the decision to work or not, according to what’s best for their family.  I know that we, as mothers, need to keep in mind that we all want what’s best for our children before we condemn others for the decisions they, as mothers, make.

I also know that when we make that decision, no matter how much or how long we weighed the options, we always feel guilty about that decision at one time or another.

Guilty for calling off work.  Guilty for working at all.  Guilty for not working.  Guilty for sending kids to daycare.  Guilty for sending sick kids to school. Guilty for not contributing money to the household.  Guilty for the time we get to spend with our kids.  Guilty for the time we don’t.  Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.

Guilt sucks.

“Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.” ~Erma Bombeck

Guilt

 

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Giraffe Cake

I have so many posts in draft that I could finish, but it’s 11:30 on Sunday night and I don’t feel like thinking.  Besides, tomorrow is Monday.  Who feels like reading on a Monday?  So, for your pleasure and mine, a cake.  Cake is always a good idea.

It’s not the best cake I’ve ever done, but I think it’s cute.  I drew the giraffe free-hand and it wasn’t my idea to make it blue with neon green spots.  However, the color palette is my favorite part about this cake.  All the colors were vibrant and cheerful and my client (and her daughter) were happy.  Success!

In other cake news, I’m doing a wedding cake in December.  I always get nervous doing wedding cakes.  A wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event (theoretically) and the cake needs to be perfect.  Ach, wish me luck.

It Just Doesn’t Add Up

I’ve got good news and bad news.  I think I’ll start with the good news.

I’m a member of The Mom Pledge Blog whose mission is to “eradicate cyber bullying among moms.”  Apparently there are some mean mommies out there who take pleasure in criticizing, demeaning, and hassling their fellow moms.  As if being a mom isn’t hard enough without dealing with that kind of crap from somebody who should know better.  I’m not a “cause” kind of gal, but this is one I support wholeheartedly.  So I took The Pledge.  If you’re interested, click the link, take The Pledge, and grab a button to display on your blog.

The first weekend of every month, The Mom Pledge Blog hosts a Blog Hop.  Bloggers post links to their posts and everyone who posts visits each others blogs.  It’s a great way to meet other bloggers.  The remaining weekends of the month,  one of the links if highlighted.  This weekend, it’s mine!  So, go on over to The Mom Pledge Blog and check it out!

BWS tips button

Now, for the bad news.

Things are not going well.  In fact, things are sucking.  Big time. (Sorry for switching gears so fast)

Our house is on the verge of collapse.  Well, maybe that is an exaggeration, but that’s what it feels like.  We’ve been here 2 months and I’ve already had to pay a plumber to clear tree roots out of the pipes and an A/C guy to recharge the leaking central air unit.  The outdated electrical wiring has killed 3 refrigerators. (Well, the third one works (badly) sometimes.  I can’t store meat in the freezer because it quits working about 3 times a day.)  The lights dim whenever anything is turned on.  My coffee grinder dims the lights in the kitchen.  There is a leak of some sort that wets the carpet in front of the bathroom.  Today, our toilets burped water all over the bathrooms before completely emptying themselves of water.  And there was a really loud noise coming from the pipes–it sounded like the house was about to achieve lift-off.  It needs some serious paint.  I shudder to think what’s going to happen next.

http://morguefile.com/license/morguefile/My job, which I do like (the kids, the ladies I work with, the order of it) is costing us money.  The expenses of daycare, gas, and other minor work-related things per month is almost $250 more than I make a month.  Granted, we’ve saved more than that in other areas by moving, so our budget is about the same as before.  But, if I stayed home, we’d have extra money that we could be saving for a down payment on a home of our own.

We want our own house and we want to move back to the town we lived in before.  We are active in our church and we are 35 miles away.  We love our church family and need to be closer.

There’s also the issue of sick kids.  I worked 1 day and 2 hours this week because my daughter was sick.  She had strep throat and missed 2 days.  She went back to school and was only there for 2 hours before she vomited.  She wasn’t really sick.  Her antibiotic had upset her empty stomach, but there’s a 24 hour rule.  A student has to be vomit free for 24 hours before returning to school.  So I left work with her one day and missed the next day, as well.  I’ve been at work for just over a month and have already missed 3 1/2 days with sick children.  The flu season isn’t even here yet.

So, this whole thing isn’t working, but what am I supposed to do about it?  If I stop working, my kids won’t be able to go to the schools I want them to attend.  I do not want them going to the local schools.  I guess I could home school them, but we’ve tried that before.  It didn’t work out.  Of course, there wasn’t a real reason to do it then.  Now I have plenty of reasons–really good ones.  Like I tell them almost every day when they’re complaining about going to a school so far away, “It’s only 9 months.  We can do anything for 9 months.”  Does that include sending them to the local schools?  I’m so confused.

So, what do you think?  If you were in my place, what would you do?  I’m open to any suggestions here.  I need a different perspective.  Help me out?

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Don’t forget to go see my beautiful face over there on The Mom Pledge Blog!  :-)