Oh my. It’s finally here. Summer break. 11 glorious weeks of staying home with my 5 loud and obnoxious children, refereeing their fights, cooking their food, cleaning up their messes, trying desperately to find ways to entertain them, knowing deep down in my heart that if they ever organized an uprising against me, I’d be toast, and trying to hide my fear behind a scowl and a mom-shriek that would give the mythical banshee a run for her money.
I wish I could say this is way off, but that’s pretty much exactly what I look like on a Monday morning. Except fatter.
I’m starting to rethink the idea that summer break is a good thing.
I’m kidding. Of course it’s a good thing. For a lot of reasons.
1. I don’t have to wear a hair net.
2. I can wear earrings, a necklace, my wedding ring. Jewelry isn’t something I feel I have to have, but when somebody tells me I can’t, I want to. Because I’m basically 12. Or is it because I’m a woman? You can tell me in the comments which you think it is.
3. I don’t have to put my hair in a bun. Or a ponytail. I will, of course, because I live in Georgia and my hair is down to the middle of my back and I really don’t want to spend the summer with hair sticking to my neck and face and passing out from the heat. But wearing my hair down is still an option if I want to garner some sympathy and maybe a day in the bed, resting, after I faint dead away in the middle of my kitchen while screaming at my husband and kids the age-old question, “What’s for dinner?” Coincidentally, the ONLY question that they don’t know the answer to.
4. No scrubs. Scrubs are comfortable. Unless they’re at least 2 sizes too big and make you feel like a big shapeless blob. Also, if they come in colors like carnation pink (Pepto Bismol) and yellow (Big Bird.) So embarrassing.
Hmmm. I see a trend here. Everything is related to appearance. I swear, I’m not that girl. I wear jeans all the time–even to church. But when you look like a lunch lady every day for 9 months, the glamorous side of you (even if it’s the size of a pinhead) starts screaming to get out. Luckily for me, my glamorous side is appeased by a pair of stud earrings and sparkly flip-flops.
High Fashion, indeed.
5. I still have to serve kids lunch and clean up after them all day, but when one of them asks, “Can you take the crust off my sandwich?” or “Chicken nuggets again?!” I can smack them.
6. Not waking up at 5:30 AM, screaming at kids to get out of bed, searching desperately for matching socks or the mysterious missing one shoe (they wear two at a time and presumably take them off at the same time so how do they end up on opposite sides of the house?) and being able to sit and have that all-important first (or 5th) cup of coffee and playing stupid FB games for 2 hours, until you’ve had time to wake up properly.
7. I don’t have to wear a hair net.
Wait. Didn’t I already say that?
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And we get to have more of your wonderful writing!
You are woman, girl! hahaha! I would be lost with out my rings! Wedding that is. I feel naked.
It is definitely weird not having them on. Yes, I am definitely a woman.
You left out that you get to talk to me at random times during the day. THAT has to be the very best thing about summer.
Well, that was so obvious, I didn’t think I needed to include that one. Duh.
Hooray for summer vacation! I love that line in your #3 how it’s coincidentally the only question they don’t know the answer to. We are in the countdown- four weeks left of school here.
I’m glad you caught that. I had a hard time wording that, so I just left it and hoped you smart readers would get what I was saying. They know EVERYTHING. Four weeks will fly, especially with all the end of year activities. Unfortunately, summer will fly, too. Enjoy it while you can!
You stop for the summer very early.
It is early, but we go back to school very early, too. August 3 or 4. It’s crazy, really.
Love your brand of understated humor. I think I actually giggled at this one – but I won’t tell if you don’t!
We are in the depths of winter. Three of us have terrible colds and my son-in-law is in hospital with pneumonia. Actually, winter is officially still a week away.
Now, you see, I have to dress up every day for work: I also feel naked without earrings. So the weekends I enjoy NOT dressing up, but then if I do that hubby never sees me dressed up other than after work when the shine has worn off a bit.
Summer sounds divine at the moment.
My family never know the answer to the dinner question either. But, like yours, they know everything else – they’ve been here just long enough to figure the know everything now.
I had to do the lunch lady thing one year as part of my “volunteering” duties at my son’s school. Oh, man, how I hated that. I hated feeling so invisible.
I know exactly what you mean.
Wow! Can I relate to this one?! I raised five kids, too, and how well I remember summer vacations. Running here and there as if I were a taxi service was my most unfavorite job. As far as, “What’s for dinner?” you could bet all five of them would want something different. I felt like a short-order cook. Yes, you ARE a woman… and that means you’re going to do as you please… whether anyone else likes it or not. Most of the time. Love your sparkly flip-flops!
I wish those were my sparkly flip-flops. I got that image elsewhere. I have some, but not with the little hearts. I love the little hearts.
I’m impressed that you’ve made it to age 12. I’m still stuck at 8 and wanting someone to cut the crusts off my sandwiches. Are you available? I also fancy those flip flops for myself!
–Our lunch ladies are SOoooo damn mean @ our school. You sound FAaabulous. <3
Ah, well, I’m sure they have good reason. Lunch ladies have a lot to deal with and we’re overworked and underpaid. The hairnet doesn’t help matters, either. Can’t beat the hours, though.
And yeah, I’m pretty fabulous.
I think you still make a pretty lunch lady, hair net and all
That’s sweet. I need to be careful with this YeahWrite group. All these compliments and a girl could get a swelled head.
Yay for a hair net-less summer!! Woot!
It’s the little things that count, isn’t it?
I agree, sparkly flip-flops make my inner diva shine, but I’m easy.
Low-maintenance gals have it much easier (and cheaper.) A pair of $2 flip-flops from Wal-Mart and it’s all good.
I think I might love you. I have 5 kids too. I live in fear of the day they begin an uprising. And where did you get that picture of me? Ahem….
Ah, another crazy mom with 5 kids! We’re a rare breed, you know? It’s a lot of fun but there are some days I find myself cowering in the corner, eyes wide, and mumbling, “The horror! The horror!”
My mother didn’t think summer was a good thing. She never so explicitly, but the empty champagne glasses in the sink when we returned home from the first day of school each yeah told me that she had a few friends who were equally glad to see the summer come to an end.
Ha! I know all about that. My SAHM days were like that. The happy dancing starts at about 1 week before the first day of school.
2 more weeks and I don’t have to make lunches first thing in the morning! I loathe making lunches right now. I completely resent the sandwich.
Summer comes with its own set of problems, but it’s summer. I hope you have a great one.
Summer is a conundrum. No early morning rush but then you have to battle the “I’m bored”s and the kids getting on each other’s nerves (and mine) all day.
I am so jealous living in the southern hemisphere it is mid winter here, I am longing for my summer holiday (December). I hope you have a lot of fun enjoy the rest. (Well as much rest as you can get with children around)
I don’t know how much rest I’ll get, but I intend on keeping busy. Lots of activities to drag my whining children to. “You’re having FUN, dang it, now shut up and enjoy it!”
You’re damn adorable is what you are.
And this post was more awesome than your awesome flip flops.
(By the way, I love flip flops. So.)
Awww. I should’ve joined YeahWrite sooner. I haven’t been called “adorable” in…well, let’s just say it’s been a long time.
Summer’s off make me a little green – only I would still drop my teens of at work every day. I like to look out for them like that.
What? No hair net??? I love this. I have the summer off too and I don’t have as many items on my gratitude list as you do. But I am willing. Thanks for setting an example.
Oh, I didn’t show you my “summer sucks” list. Trust me, it’s longer.
Not having to wear that hair net is worthy of saying it twice! Enjoy the summer and enjoy your regular clothes!
I will. As much as a super pale fat woman can enjoy wearing bathing suits and shorts, anyway.
No hair net, even just for the hell of it??? Great post!
I do keep a hair net hidden in my drawer for those times when I want to feel extra sexy.
This is SO AWESOME. I love everything about this post. Starting with the drawing, although I am curious how you broke into my house and stole my photo?
Great post!
I imagine if us women got together after we woke up and had to yell at our bratty kids and walked down the street, people would think the Zombie Apocalypse had, indeed, begun.
omg, you had me at hair net. and that first paragraph?! i only have 3 kids, can’t imagine having to wrestle 5 like that. you are Wonder Woman!
Love, love, love your banshee. And in regards to the 12 vs. woman question, I just think you are a gal that doesn’t like to be told what to do, in other words, a woman after my own heart.
And you definitely are suffering from the black hole that plagues us all. Your kids’ shoes are hooking up with my kids’ shoes and having a grand ol’ time. Ellen
I can see why you’d want to ditch the hairnet. And wear your jewelry. I don’t understand kids and their shoes. My son just leaves his in the middle of the floor. At least I can find them. Fun post!
Oh I bet you love the summer time! But taking care of 5 kids is hardly a “vacation”!
My kids love that Phineas and Ferb song. The title sequence song goes, “There’s a hundred and one days of summer vacation and school comes around just to END it…” That makes me chuckle. Where I live, summer vacation is about 70 days and that is LONG ENOUGH!!! It’s nice to get a change of routine etc. but let’s face it, forget Christmas, the first week of September is actually the MOST wonderful time of the year.
Phineas and Ferb is a fantastic show. It’s the only one the kids watch that I can enjoy with them. Fantastic writing. Since I work in the school system, I’m very conflicted about summer break.
Enjoy letting your hair breathe a bit. Though the humidity in GA might make it want to get back into the hair net again soon.
hairnets suck and that’s worth two items on your list any time, absolutely. god love the lunch ladies, I say; I hope your summer is filled with coffee and brainless online games! : )