Monthly Archives: September 2011

Dial 9-1-1. We Have a Fashion Emergency.

Posted in All Posts, Life, Motherhood by

I’ve never been what one would call stylish.  I “dress up” for church, anniversaries, dining out, etc. but at home it is (or was)  strictly yoga pants and a t-shirt.  Shoot, I even wore them to the grocery store.  It was okay because yoga pants and a t-shirt are kind of the official uniform of the stay-at-home-mom.  I also didn’t mind wearing the hair in the messy bun/ponytail.  All. The. Time.  Now that I’m a lunch lady and it’s my only option, not so much.

Now I don’t go about in yoga pants but I’ve traded one uniform for another.  Now it’s scrubs that are two sizes too big for me.  Nobody told me I was supposed to go smaller for the things.  I don’t wear make-up as it would melt off with the sweat.  My glasses are always dirty, foggy with steam, and sliding down my nose.  I limp because I have hematoma on the bottom of my foot.  Add to that black, non-skid tennis shoes and a hair net and you’ve got a big, sloppy, limping, hot mess.

Did I mention that this week Mount Vesuvius erupted on my face?  And that I got a Cindy Crawford-esque beauty pimple to go along with it?  Acne was bad enough as a teenager.  But now?  What is that all about?

I’ve noticed that Molly has stopped coming over to see me when she goes through the lunch line.  It’s probably because it’s not new anymore.  But I can’t help wondering if it’s because I’m a little embarrassing.  I’m embarrassed of myself.

What am I supposed to do about it?  The scrubs, shoes, and hair net can’t be helped.  I’ve also ordered contacts and decided to start wearing eyeliner.  Beyond that, I’m clueless.  Does anyone know of some super make-up that won’t slide off my face?  Some cute hairstyles that will fit under a hair net?

I need help!  Surely, I’m not destined to look like this for the next 8 months?

See that mole? That's where Mt. Vesuvius resides on my face.

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An Interview, Some Cake Stuff, and a Dancing Toddler

Posted in All Posts, Blogging, Cake Decorating, Kids by

It’s Monday and I hate Mondays.  So, how about a little fun and some cake?

First, I did an interview for Stewie over at This Little Thing Called Life.  For those of you who don’t know Stewie, doing this interview was a risk.  He’s…satirical, to put it nicely.  He absolutely demolished Apostle Jack who, admittedly, deserved it.  What made it worse (or better) is that Apostle Jack was clueless. (See here and here.)  I didn’t want that happening to me.  But he was kind.  He only called me a racist arsonist.  I suggest you check it out.

Second, cake.  People love cake.  I get a lot of questions about my cakes.  (For cake photos, see here and here.)  The number one question is, “How do you get the icing so smooth?”

It’s not that hard.  The secret is “crumb-coating” or “dirty icing.”  Basically, you get the smallest amount of icing possible and spread it really thin all over the cake, not caring whether there’s crumbs or not.  Be sure to fill in all the holes and cracks with icing.  It’ll look like this when you’re done.

You let the icing “crust.”  That can take up to an hour, but when the icing is hard, the crumbs will be sealed in.  You’re now ready to ice the cake for real.

This time, put a butt-load (technical term) of icing on top of the cake and start spreading it with a spatula, pushing the icing down the sides.  Then ice the sides, making sure not to dig into the crumb coat.  Add extra icing as necessary.  Then use the flat side of a plastic or silicone bowl scraper to smooth the icing, beginning with the top and ending with the sides.

A turntable makes this easier, but it’s not necessary.  Again, let the icing crust.  If there are still some cracks, place a piece of paper or a paper towel on the icing and smooth over it gently with your hand.  And voilà, a smoothly iced cake.

The next question I get is, “Do you use cake mixes?”  The answer is yes, but with modifications.  Here’s the recipe.

Doctored Cake Mix

Ingredients:

1 box Duncan Hines Cake Mix (they taste better)
Oil and Water called for on the cake box
4 Eggs
1 cup cake flour or 1 cup all-purpose flour + 1/2 tsp. baking powder + dash of salt
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. vanilla (optional)
1 cup sour cream
1/3 cup cocoa (If making a chocolate cake)

Directions:

1.  Mix cake mix, flour (or flour mixture),  sugar, and cocoa (if applicable) in large bowl.
2.  Add water, eggs, and oil.
3.  Mix on low-speed until all ingredients are incorporated.
4.  Beat on med-high for 2 minutes.
5.  Add sour cream and mix on low until blended.
6.  Bake according to package directions.

Yield:  Makes (3) 9-inch layers.

Tip:  Grease cake pans with shortening and flour or use baking spray with flour to ensure easy release.  Let cake sit in pans for 10 minutes before releasing.

There are some cakes I would never use mixes for.  Carrot cake, Red Velvet, and Sour Cream Pound Cake should always be made from scratch.  I do have the recipes for these but they are closely guarded family secrets.  If I told you what they were, I’d have to kill you.  Or marry you or force you to marry someone in the family.  Trust me, you don’t want the recipes that bad.  (Kidding, for any family that might be reading this.)  No, I’m not.

The last thing I want to leave you with is a cute little video of a dancing baby.  In case you haven’t seen enough of those in your lifetime.  I know I have, but this one is different because it’s MY dancing baby.  And like the excellent mother that I am, I happen to think she’s the cutest baby in the world.  And you will, too, even if you won’t admit it.

Blog Awards. Thank You!

Posted in All Posts, Blogging by

I didn’t have a lot of trophies when I was young.  I had ONE really impressive one.  Our cheerleading squad won 3rd place for the ENTIRE STATE.  I was 11 and the team was the Overdale Chiefs.  I still had the little outfit until it went up in flames.  I kid you not, it had a little sailor’s flap neckline.  Very old-fashioned.  Here’s a picture.  Unfortunately, the only one I could find was on a dog.  Picture this, but red, on little girls with super curly pigtails.  So cute.

Those days are long gone, but I did win a couple of blogging awards recently.

The first one I want to accept came from Lafemmeroar.  She passed it on to me…3 months ago. (See here.) I feel so bad that I haven’t acknowledged it yet, but she being the cool crazy chick that she is, will understand and take no offense.  The other award I won is the Versatile Blogger Award.  I was given this award by Rebekah Loper, Writer.

As with all awards, there are certain things one must do when honored.  Both of these award have the same requirements.  As they are pretty demanding, I’m only doing the process once.  So the bloggers I choose get double awards!  Yay!

1.  Thank and link to the person acknowledging you.

Thank you so much, Lafemmeroar and Rebekah!

2.  Share 7 random facts about yourself.

1.  I am jealous of the Little Caesar’s employee whose job it is to stand on a busy street corner, hold a $5 pizza sign, and dance like a maniac.  I would kill for courage like that. And his dancing skills.

2.  I don’t eat anything gelatinous.  No Jello and no mousse of any kind.  Especially salmon mousse.  *shudder*  Disgusting.

3.  I never remember my dreams (except when I’m pregnant.)

4.  I love mopping.  My dream home would have a mop sink in the floor and one of those mop buckets they use in restaurants.

5.  I am afraid of mirrors at night.  I know that I’m going to look in one and there will be something scary staring back at me.  And I don’t mean me with bed head and puffy eyes.

6.  I don’t let the food on my plate touch.  If there is something runny or juicy, it gets its own plate.

7.  I like to use big words like “prestidigitation” and “ostentatious” because I think it makes me sound smart.  Of course this might work better if I actually used them correctly.

3.  Pass the award on to 15 deserving bloggers.

Personally, I think 15 is a little ridiculous, but this is the rule and I follow rules.  Not that it’s hard to come up with 15 great bloggers, but it’s a little time consuming to link to all these great folks.  Anyway, here it goes:

1. MaximsMadness  This is one weird dude.  I love weird.  It’s fantastic.

2. Brown Road Chronicles  A funny guy who occasionally writes something serious, just to keep you on your toes.

3.  This Little Thing Called Life  This Brit likes to poke fun at people and call them funny little names like “Arsonist.”  He’s also goes on a lot of really bad dates.

4.  224   This inspiring man is on a journey to a healthier lifestyle and He Can Do It!  He is doing it.  He’s awesome.

5.  Dribbling Pensioner  British.  Old.  Forgetful.  Troublemaker.  Questionable punctuation.  Charming.

6. Zishaanshafi A little politics, a little philosophy, a little of everything. He also included me on his “List of Sucky Bloggers.”  An honor, truly.

7.  Invisible Mikey  Movies, Music, Art of all kinds.  I never leave Mikey’s blog disappointed and rarely without an epiphany.  He’s not the Awards type, but he deserves a ton of them.

8.  The Problem With Young People Today Is… @  http://crabbyoldfart.wordpress.com/  I had to post his link just because it describes him perfectly.  He’s not the Awards type either, but oh my.  He is fantastically crotchety!  And brilliant.

9.  She’s A Maineiac  A great writer who’s willing to show us her 6 AM self while making fun of her accent.  I’ll have to drive up to Maine so she can tell me to “pahk the cah in the yahd”.

10.  Rebekah Loper, Writer  She inspires me.  She’s also incredibly sweet.  Love her.

11.  JM Randolph, Accidental Stepmom  Step-mother to four children, stagehand, writer, hilarious.  She’s a bit of a crier.  :-)

12.  La Plume Noire  Very talented photographer and writer.

13.  Love Versus Goliath  An amazing woman with an even more amazing story.  She fought for the partner visa that would reunite her with her husband and children and won!  It’s a joy to see her adjust to a large household filled with lots of love and rice.  ;-)

14.  Mixin’ It Up: Goulash Style   A Southern mama to 4, a great lady, and she happens to be allergic to penicillin.  Her recipe for Southern “Gonlash” sounds fantastic.  Which reminds me, I need to try that when the weather cools off a bit.

15.  Nylon Daze  A Londoner living in NYC.  Photographer, writer, political commentator, and a genuinely nice person.  She insists we could make my blog/life into an award-winning screenplay.  She even picked out a producer.  (Ahem, Raincoaster, you were the lucky winner.  Call me.  We’ll do lunch–via twitter, of course.)

16.  Bonus blogger:  Paroxysm of Outrageous Random News (P.O.R.N.)  Emily illustrates her hi-larious posts with cute pictures she draws using Paint.  It’s impressive.

4.  Contact the winners.  

That might have to wait until tomorrow.  My hands hurt.

So, there you have it.  I hope you check out some of the blogs above.  Believe me, you won’t be sorry.